those are the words I was told by the people around me every time my son veered off course to venture out on another dark path of self-destruction.
The heartache, anger, tears and sorrow was almost too much to bare… countless times of being alone in my car, screaming at the top of my lungs, sobbing because I couldn’t take much more.
For me, I chose to create a child with a man who had no idea how to be a dad. His idea of a dad was to intentionally hurt my son to hurt me or to teach him about street life…
Now, how could I be mad at him, when I choose to create a child with him... At that time in my life I didn't understand what I do now. I was very angry and resentful at a man who had no idea how to love himself. Truth be told if I knew how to love myself I wouldn't have been with him in the first place.
My son and I always had a great relationship, which made it extremely confusing when if felt like somehow he was (unconsciously) intentionally trying to hurt me too.
I remember the day I told my son from this day forward I am only going to do things I want to do for you because I could feel myself starting to resent him for saying yes to things I didn’t really want to say yes too. It wasn’t his fault I was saying yes, so why was I getting mad at him…
The more I learned about myself, the more I learned that he was my biggest teacher… Yes, I said it, TEACHER. He was teaching me how to navigate my way through the chaos of the world. He was teaching me how to forgive others and myself. He was teaching me how to love unconditionally after all isn’t that what we’ve all been looking for?
The BIGGEST lesson I learned was if I kept waiting for him to figure out how to find his way I was going to stay miserable so I better figure out how to be happy and truly love myself if I wanted any kind of a peaceful existence on this earth.
It took for me to dive deep into my spirituality to truly understand what was going on not only with myself but with others too. The more I went inside to clean out the cobwebs the more I discovered how much pain I was still holding on to. Not only from this life, but from past lives too.
Spirit took my hand and guided me to ways I could heal my heart. Spirit helped me learn how to forgive others and myself. Spirit taught me healing tools and techniques so I could flip the vibrational track and get off the wheel of rinse and repeat. Which deepened my level of compassion. Raised my awareness to such a extreme I could see patterns of what was really going on in the world.
From my perspective everything here is built backwards… it is built on fear, greed and control. In my heart, I truly believe the path to the creator is pure love, pure compassion and understanding. When you understand there is more going on here than what you can see in the physical world you understand why it is so important to LOVE thyself, become self empowered and self-accountable for our actions.
This journey was the most intense process of my life. It was filled with obstacles and tests… Oh those test really wanted to make sure I would NEVER go back to the old way of thinking and being. It also taught me to stand in my POWER in a healthy way. To not allow the bullshit of others who aren’t ready to do their own inner work into my life regardless of who they are.
Now, I am in a place where I may stumble every once and a while but I don’t stay there. It’s like the saying we weeble wobble but we don’t fall down lol
There are layers and layers to this process but in a nutshell if you have a weak aura field you are leaving yourself wide open for negative entities to feed off you.
You are being programmed by what you watch on TV and the people around you. What you observe and experience. The thoughts you think and the emotions you feel create your vibrational experience. Everything is a field. If you want to be in the field of peace then you have to stop running the program of war. If you want to be self-empowered then you need to stop playing the victim etc.
We are powerful creators. We have the POWER to flip the tracks to make quantum jumps to a timelines that are for our highest and greatest good.
If you are a parent of a child who has chosen a hard path I want you to know I understand and you don’t have to go through this alone. It takes a BIG HEART, SUPERIOR STRENGHT, PATIENCE, and SPIRITUAL INTEGRITY, HEALTHY MORALS and CORE VALUES to be able to hold a vision of pure love, pure compassion and understanding for the people we love. Most importantly YOURSELF.
GOD is LOVE. We are all children of the divine. We are here to co-create with the creator which means we love ourselves so much our divine light shines through. Heal yourself, help your family, then help everyone else who chooses it.
Soul discovery prepares you to awaken to a deeper level of understanding of the self.Learn More